Social Media

 

the Good, the Ok, and the Ugly... 

Don't I (on the right) look happy and skinny here with my half-sister?

The Good: 

As an older person, I didn't grow up with social media.  I started participating in social media in my late 30's. At the time I was on a weight loss journey and had discovered Sparkpeople.com which I was using to track my calories and exercise.  Their philosophy was that you should have tools, but also social support through various forums catering to your interests, location, work, gender, preferred exercise, diet, or whatever was important to you.  The site was free at the time and had a few advertisements here and there. Their supportive environment worked, and I was able to lose 85 lbs., of which I've successfully managed to keep off about 60 lbs. give or take ever since, so hurray for Sparkpeople.com and the power of collective will!  After three years of tracking, I noticed that it was harder and harder to navigate through the ads, and I was ready to move on.  

Note:  Sparkpeople.com closed down in August of 2021.  They transitioned to a different business model and now can be accessed via SparkAmerica.com and free phone aps, though I've never used the site so I can't say much about it. 

The OK:

Perhaps it was this time that I joined Facebook?  It was already considered a site for old people, but I had a niece ask me to sign up while some family event was going on. For a while I posted periodic pictures of the cool things I did like the fresh powder runs, and the scenic ghost towns I visited.  I noticed that I was way more interested to see if my photo got liked than any real interest in my happy friends and their kids doing super interesting things (how come my friends were always so happy when I was not?)  When I opened an organic sustainable farm, I started up an account for it and used it to gather support and generate business.  

Please support local small sustainable farms.  I great way to do that is by getting vegetable or meat subscriptions to them.  You can find opportunities in your area through the website Local Harvest. 

The Ugly:

About five years ago after 28 years of marriage I had an affair and Facebook was weaponized against me.  My ex who had never had a Facebook account opened one, sent friend invites to everyone on my friend list, then immediately posted a scathing review of my transgressions and character.  It is difficult to describe what that was like.  Yes, there was shame, and yes there was the sense of being watched and judged everywhere I went in my small rural community. But there were some severe mental health issues far outreaching those things.  There was sudden and what felt like complete isolation.  People's happy pictures turned into narratives that made me physically ill. 

Social Comparison is a real recognized threat to Mental Health.  Vogel et al. (2014) found that self-reported self-esteem is lower in college students that have high Facebook use.  They also found that this correlation is directly related to what they call upward social comparison.  When you consistently look and judge yourself on what you perceive other people are doing better with than you are you are directly influencing your own perception of yourself.  In Vogel et al. (2014) it was health and fitness comparisons, but in my case, it was happiness levels. 

                          Context:  this was my son's graduation.  My sister and I rarely talk and don't have a strong relationship.  I was very worried about my son's severe depression at the time and wondering each day if I would have a son when I woke up.

I'm well and generally happy now (and so is my son and my ex), so no need for concern, but I still have an aversion to social media on any platform.  I shut down my Facebook account and made a commitment to be present with my family and friends through in person, phone calls, texts, and letters.  I want stories and news with context and depth in my life and I want to be happy for my friends when good things happen to them, but I don't want to be overwhelmed by a world of happy people doing things I don't have the resources to do.   

Vogel, E. A., Rose, J. P., Roberts, L. R., & Eckles, K. (2014). Social comparison, social media, and self-esteem. Psychology of Popular Media Culture, 3(4), 206-222. http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/ppm0000047